who fails to help with the kids or doesn’t do work around the house. It is no longer simply a wife who says hurtful things or doesn’t respect her husband. These things can be handled and overcome, they can be talked about and worked through—and they can be forgiven. However, infidelity hurts like nothing else hurts and has far more devastating effects on the marriage relationship. Most people can’t get past this land mine like they can get over other things because of the vastly intimate aspect of infidelity.

Sex is obviously the most intimate relationship we can have with someone. When we enter a marriage commitment, we pledge our fidelity and faithfulness to the one we marry. Among the vows we exchange, the one that most people view as the most crucial and critical is the pledge of giving of ourselves physically to each other, and only to each other. It is a unique relationship that we don’t have with others and it is an intimately personal relationship. When that vow is broken, and we allow another to enter into our most intimate and personal space, we violate the commitment we have made to one another and it is extremely hard to overcome a violation of trust to that degree.

I have often found this to be interesting: single people who aren’t of the conviction that sex should be reserved only for married couples still have a sense of loyalty and commitment to the one they are with. A man may be dating a woman and be sexually active with her; yet, if she were to have sex with another man, their relationship would most likely be over.

Add the covenant of marriage, and the devastating result of a cheating spouse is even greater. We are certainly not advocating it, but I have found that most individuals morally comfortable with polygamous relations typically have only one partner at a time and value loyalty and commitment. He or she remains loyal and true to their partner, until that relationship ends and they find another partner.

The point is simple: sex is an intimate and personal relationship intended to be shared by two people exclusively. Regardless of morality or religious beliefs, the vast majority of people engage in monogamous sexual relationships. Our belief is that sex should be shared exclusively between a man and a woman within the bonds of a marriage covenant. The consequences of infidelity can be staggering.

In the electronic environment we live in, we are bombarded hundreds of times a day with sexually suggestive ads, references, and innuendos.

Cars, beverages, electronics, and almost everything advertised on television and in magazines imply a sexual connection or are sexually suggestive. There is a particular mall-based clothing store that Debby refuses to shop in because the majority of their ads are extremely seductive and sexually suggestive. We live in a sexually charged environment and it is no wonder that couples struggle with sexual temptation.

Pornography is readily available to anyone with an Internet connection or at your local convenience store and many marriages are in dire straights due to the over-abundance and easy access to pornography. Oftentimes a relationship may be strained and the sex all but ceases to exist, and the husband turns to pornography as an alternative.

When his wife discovers the websites he has been visiting or finds magazines hidden away, she begins to have doubts and fears. These fears can compound and grow, potentially creating more and even bigger problems than the couple was facing initially. The wife may think that she is no longer attractive to her husband and she is led to believe, in many cases, that he is having an affair. This begins a chain-reaction of thoughts and actions that typically have damaging consequences.

If you are facing the potential of a cheating spouse, you may be wondering what you can do and where your relationship will go from here. You may be asking yourself if you still have a future together with your spouse. How can you get beyond the thoughts of your spouse with another, and how could you possibly get over the hurt? These are just a few of the many questions that people find themselves facing on a daily basis.

Dr. James Dobson has written an excellent book, Tough Love, that helps victims of infidelity cope with their feelings and work through what may be the fiercest storm an individual could face. No one ever wants to discover that their loved one has found another lover, and this book outlines steps one could take to begin to mend the heart and repair the damage. If your spouse has had an affair, or you think he or she is engaged in an affair currently and you want to save your marriage, it is a must-read that we highly recommend.

You may be wondering how you could ever get beyond the thought of your lover with another man or woman and how your relationship could be restored to what it once was. Without writing an entire book on the subject of restoration, as Dr. Dobson has done, let us suggest four key elements we have found in our own lives to be critical in regaining or reestablishing trust. These four elements are Time, Commitment, Accountability, and Consistency.

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